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The case for the master bathroom - by Jacopochi

With local residents returning to their regularly scheduled activities after more than a year in quarantine, a startling fact has been realized -- teens occupy the main bathroom for no less 95% of their waking hours when they are home and not eating.

Essentially, this leaves a very small window for the remaining residents to use said bathroom uninterrupted. These time windows include:

  • 2:45 - 5:50 am
  • 10:00 - 11:28 am
In making observations over the past few days after being unable to bath, brush my teeth, or use the toilet upstairs at times one would consider "getting ready" hours of 6:00 - 8:00 am or "preparing to sleep" hours of 9:30 - 11:30 pm, here is a sampling of known activities taking place in the bathroom.
  • Texting
  • Sighing
  • Reading
  • Toileting
  • Plant care
  • The make up
  • Face washing
  • Feminine care
  • Sauna creation
  • Contemplations
  • Watching videos
  • Doing of the hair
  • Clothing one's self
  • Watching mold grow
  • Shedding winter coats
  • Aerosol can overspray
  • Full body sink bathing
  • Various shaving actions
  • Excessive toilet paper use
  • Painting the perfect cat eye
  • Watching spiders spin webs
  • Expelling of noxious gasses
  • Counter decorating with bottles
  • Mysterious basin art installations
  • Application of potions and lotions

    Even during the scant timeframes where one can quickly jump in the shower, there remains a high risk of a knock on the door with the request to do any one of the activities above.

    Conversely, a sample conversation:

    Parent: <Knocking on door>
    Teen: Occupied
    Parent: How much longer will you be in there?
    Teen: <Cans and bottles rattling>
    Parent: I have a meeting at 7:30 and need to shower and brush my teeth
    Teen: I don't know
    Parent: Can you please hurry
    Teen: There is a bathroom downstairs

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