1. Never take calls from the bathroom.
2. Make sure the camera on your computer is covered—I prefer some torn paper and tape, but they make gizmos for the purpose.
3. Never take conference calls in a room that includes kids, partners, pets, pan dimensional aliens, houseplants or lawnmowers.
4. Do always sound positive and perky, especially if you are taking the call from your bed with your slippers where you are sometimes napping.
5. And finally, never, ever…leave your ******** dog alone anywhere near your company computer or your school computer or any ******** computer in your house.
***
His voice was loud and piercing—you could hear it at least five houses down. He stayed by the windows for days at a time just watching and shouting. He was vehemently against the gathering of groups, especially on his front lawn. The mere sight of the Conway children running free range just across the street would send him into a long rant about parental responsibility (or lack thereof) and the degradation of society. But the worst were the squirrels. Make that squirrels and vacuum cleaners. They were devious creatures that taunted him, took things from him and plotted against him and his kind.
Dogs—on the other hand—he enjoyed a great deal. He could smell them coming long before they passed by his window and he was always ready to acknowledge them and send a message. This was leadership. So, he would run from one window of the house to the other, pressing his face hard against the glass so they would hear him as they passed by.
To these dogs, he was a king. To the family he lived with, he was a pet...something to feed, something to touch, something to clean up after, something that always loved them, something that made them feel better about themselves. Good. He was counting on it.
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